Top 6 weirdest things women do to vaginas—all in the USA
Posted by staff / February 3, 2010
In faraway countries with loose human rights laws, female circumcision is a scary reality. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. Nor are we discussing strange sexual techniques. We’re talking about what some women in good old America do to their own southern sanctuary. And for good reason, too… sort of. So zip up, buckle in, maybe even cover your eyes, this isn’t going to be pretty:
1. Problem: Your Vagina Smells Bad. Solution: Vaginal Deodorant
In the seventies, feminism and vaginal deodorant were married in the product “The Freedom Spray”, the “better way to be free to enjoy being a woman”. It was chock-full of hexachlorophene, a disinfectant that can be lethal when absorbed through the skin, responsible for thirty-six deaths in France in 1972. You’d think that would stop vaginal deodorant from being popular, but your local Walgreens is well-supplied with all the latest scented vaginal suppositories called Norforms in Island Escape and Summer’s Eve Deodorant Spray in Island Splash. Did I mention that Norforms has Benzethonium chloride in it, another disinfectant which is classified as a poison in Switzerland? Delicious!
2. Problem: Your Vagina is Too Loose. Solution: Vaginal Rejuvenation
Plastic surgeons are more than happy to put an end to womankind’s collective suffering from the lack of vice-tight vaginas. Laser Vagina Rejuvenation is a trademarked phrase referring to Dr. David Matlock’s $4,000-$20,000 procedure that claims to increase sexual pleasure by tightening a woman’s vagina. In 2007, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists warned that women seeking “designer vaginas” should be “informed about the lack of data supporting the efficacy of these procedures and their potential complications, including infection, altered sensation, dyspareunia, adhesions, and scarring. Sexy!
3. Problem: Your Vagina is the Wrong Color. Solution: Vaginal Bleaching and Dying
Many women are under the impression that it’s OK to have a vagina-colored vagina. They’re wrong, of course. They should be pink, and exceptionally so. There are multiple bleaching products on the market from Bleach Babe (from the makers of the anal-bleaching “Pink Wink”), with the same ingredient that keeps salmon meat pink to South Beach Solutions’ lightening product using drain declogger ingredients. If bleaching isn’t your cup of tea, you can always try My New Pink Button, which basically is the equivalent of a 48-to-72-hour version of pink model airplane paint. After which, one supposes, users must reapply in order to maintain the youthful status of their genitals.
In all seriousness, if something seems funky, just see a doctor. You’ll thank me in the long run.
(Via AlterNet)
Photo credit: Fotolia
The most common reason women look for labiaplasty is physical comfort in clothing and during strenuous activities, like biking or running, combined with the common lifelong use of thong underwear, tight clothing and vulvar hair removal, and not because they lack sexual confidence or are worried about how their parts look to men. Whether called vaginoplasty, cosmetic gynecology, labiaplsty or vaginal rejuvenation, female genital surgery is no substitute for healthy self-esteem, confident body image, or couples counseling. take the vaginal rejuvenation litmus test (http://www.theperfectphit.com/litmus_test.htm) before you sign on for an operation to restore or revise your feminine anatomy.